Interview: Michelle Tea
Postpunk performance poet and writer Michelle Tea grew up in Chelsea, Massachusetts. Influenced by poet Eileen Myles and photographer Nan Goldin, Tea writes narrative poetry and prose that explore issues of class, queer identity, feminism, and autobiography. Her numerous books include the poetry collection The Beautiful: Collected Poems, the novels Valencia and Rose of No Man’s Land, and memoirs Rent Girl (illustrated by Lauren McCubbin), The Chelsea Whistle, The Passionate Mistakes and Intricate Corruption of One Girl in America, and How To Grow Up. She edited the anthologies Baby, Remember My Name: An Anthology of New Queer Girl Writing, Without a Net: The Female Experience of Growing Up Working Class, and, with Clint Catalyst, Pills, Chills, Thrills and Heartache: Adventures in the First Person. A self-publishing advocate, Tea has won a Lambda Literary Award and was Zale Writer-in-Residence at Tulane University. Tea founded the literary nonprofit RADAR Productions and, with Sini Anderson, the spoken word tour Sister Spit. She lives in San Francisco. (Bio adapted from The Poetry Foundation).
TCJWW: How to Grow Up is your fifth memoir. What draws you to the genre of memoir in particular and how has your understanding of memoir evolved over the years?
Tea: I truly do not understand what draws me to memoir, simply that I am deeply drawn, even compelled, to write about my own experiences. It is my biggest inspiration, though sometimes I seriously tire of it and find a lot of relief and enjoyment in fiction! I have a book coming out next year on The Feminist Press, Black Wave, and while writing it I was both compelled towards memoir and so sick of the sound of my own life, so I combined the forms and that was really very fun!
I don't know that my understanding of memoir has evolved. I think perhaps my approach has - I don't have the stomach for such tell-alls that bring hurt to the people written about, but even as I type that I know I have a book in me about my family, and that's of course the hardest. It will certainly make people feel uncomfortable, vulnerable, but I will probably write it regardless because it's in me. It's very strange and uncomfortable and mysterious and I wish that I did understand it all after having done so much of it.
TCJWW: What was the experience of writing this book like for you? How did you decide on the format of an instruction manual told through essays?
Tea: It was actually quite uncomfortable because it caused a huge shift in my voice - I'm not certain why that had to happen, but it did. The fact that I wasn't writing about my life in a novelistic way but sort of speaking to the reader as a bit of an advisor, the way that writing came out made me terrified that it was cheesy and I think some of it is. I had to get comfortable with perhaps being very cheesy. I always think part of sitting down to write a book is getting comfortable with the fact that you might be writing something that deeply sucks, so it wasn't that much different. I just feared it would suck in a new and different way.
The format was figured out in conversation with my agent. I very much took her advice on what she thought the sort of book I might be able to sell to a larger press might look like. Initially it was meant to be more overtly self-help but it was hard for me to take on that writing and also hard for me to veer away from memoir.
TCJWW: Growing up is a hard concept to put into words. What does being grown up mean to you? Is it a state of being or an ongoing process?
Tea: I think that for me growing up has meant being in control of myself, feeling like I am not at the mercy of my surroundings or ignorance or compulsions. I imagine it is a very different journey for everyone, but I always have felt like I was scrambling to keep my head above water in so many ways - financially, romantically - that finally achieving some ground in these realms did help me feel like I was figuring out how to live. I guess growing up for me has been figuring out how to live, not just struggle and react. It is both a state of being and an ongoing process, such as, I do feel like I exist in a state of adulthood at this point, but I'm also aware of all the parts of me and my life that are rough. And sometimes that roughness is great and fun and it's me, it's my character and I embrace it, and sometimes that roughness gives me pain or feels as if it's working against my hugher aims, and I want to learn how to overcome it.
TCJWW: How to Grow Up reads like an advice column at times. What advice would you give to young people who are struggling to navigate adulthood?
Tea: Probably to have a sense of humor. Ultimately we're all, what did I hear someone say once, children masquerading as adults. Which I misheard as we're all children masturbating as adults, even better. I think it is very important to fully embrace all your little quirks and failures and rough spots, even as you might be working to obliterate them. I think a lot of the struggle to grow up is just the struggle to live, in some way, more comfortably, whether that comfort is material or emotional or whatever. So don't make it harder for yourself by beating yourself up when you fuck up. Have a sense of humor, embrace your story, and do the work out of self-love not self-loathing.
TCJWW: I found your candidness in discussing your struggles with alcoholism very inspiring. A lot of your memoir discusses the ways in which you healed yourself after becoming sober, from exercise to taking care of your appearance. What would you say was the most important to your recovery?
Tea: Being a part of a recovery community was absolutely most important to staying sober. Like many people, I had tried to become and remain sober on my own, because the thought of joining up with a lot of strangers seemed so repulsive - it seemed drastic, and desperate. But the reality is, if you are an alcoholic, as I am, you are desperate, and the solution you need is drastic. Of course once inside these communities they look entirely different than they did when I was outside peering in with so much fear and preconceived notions. To say that the other people who utilize them are just like me is an understatement, and it was actually a surprising joy to find this unexpected commonality with so many strangers from like every walk of life imaginable. It's been the greatest gift, not just to my recovery but really to my life. It's ultimately about so much more than whether or not I'll drink. It's really about how I live my life, from the details of it to the extreme big picture.
TCJWW: If you could do things over, is there anything you would do differently?
Tea: Probably not.
Photo credits:
Author credit courtesy of creativeworkfund.org
